A letter to my daughter

Baby girl,

Today, I lost it at work. I lost myself a little. I work with kids about your age and love them quite dearly. I could bring you with me but chose not to. I wanted to leave you home with your dad, and for that, I am so sorry. 

I don't want to make it into a competition about who loves you more because the answer should be clear. It will always be me. You lived in me for 39 weeks and a day. I kept you alive then and I still do today. But beyond that, you keep me alive too.

I can't promise you that life will be perfect but I will try my absolute best to never let you down. I'm so sorry others can't do the same for you. I'm so sorry that you will be let down again and again and think you are the problem. I am so sorry I caused this. 

You are not the problem. You did not cause his alcoholism or his depression. Those problems live deep inside him and nothing we do will ever heal those parts of him. We can love him but we can't allow ourselves to get sucked in. We can't allow him to make us feel like we are the problem when we aren't. You are perfect the way you are and so am I.