Invisible

Did you ever notice that once you have a baby you become a nobody?

Friends stop calling, stop visiting, stop texting, stop reaching out. 

Family only reaches out when they want to see the baby, never to see you. 

There's the occasional message asking, "How are you guys?" As if to encompass the family as a whole, but we all know they are only really inquiring about the baby.

This goes for grandparents too. We new moms watch from the distance as you call our newborns "My baby" and show off pictures without permission. Just don't do it, especially if you can't even be bothered to be actively involved the entire time.

I think my favorite thing is people offering help. "I'll watch L any time you need!" Maybe they do mean to be helpful, but in the back of my mind, all I can think is that they just want to see the baby and my wellbeing is actually not a concern. To continue with this idea, I have also pondered on the times I have asked for help from friends. I usually am lucky enough to have at least one friend respond and be able to watch L for no charge but other times, I am met with excuses. I get it, your life went on and mine got taken over. 

Okay. I have no problem with people visiting. I have no problem with family offering help. I do have a problem when I just sacrificed everything (my body, my mental wellbeing, my friends, my life, everything!!) and it goes unnoticed. I have a problem when you come visit and spend the whole time swooning over my prized possession and can't bother to ask me how I am or congratulate me, but a week ago, you told the grandparents, "Congrats!"

For what? What did they do? They weren't even there or active. But here they are, bragging about MY baby, showing off my baby, inviting their friends over to see my baby any time she is there. I wouldn't care if I were there too, but these things happen while I am busting my ass at work and expecting you to give her your undivided attention, not to be sharing it with your friends and bragging about someone you didn't create. Maybe I am overreacting but extended family members are overreaching, which I find more offensive. 

Just please remember that I made her. She is mine. I know she is amazing and you want to show her off but you can't because she isn't YOURS. I don't want photos of my baby posted on your social media to God only knows who. I post her because I know my friends. She is mine to show off, not yours. 

Rant over. 

Love,

The Honest Mom